The most terrifying this happened: I have a boyfriend.
For a girl who writes a dating column, one might think that this would be welcome news. But I can’t seem to shake the feeling that this is all wrong. Am I meant to be single and never couple up?
“The true commitment phobic can’t get past the ‘enchantment stage’ of a relationship and thus shows a history of many short relationships,” explains dating coach Nina Atwood.
I find myself sometimes overwhelmed by the urge to run. If we spend too many days in a row together I may think about what it was like before he was around all the time. If we go too many days without seeing each other I might think about how easy it might be to keep doing so. If we argue I think about walking away.
Lisa Steadman, author of If He’s Not the Right One, Who Is?, tells me, “Women are afraid to commit because it means they have to be vulnerable, surrender to imperfect love rather than the fantasy of Prince Charming, and allow themselves to receive love—which while we say we want it, often times can scare us.
Uncertainty about commitment? Check. History of short relationships? Check. Desire for love? Check. Frightened by this? Check.
I decide to consult one last expert—the Boyfriend.
“I’m not always happy,” I admit to him.
He studies my face carefully. “Well…” he starts. “We’ll just have to work on getting you what you need,” he finishes, looking me in the eye.
And for the moment all the fear, all the uncertainty, disappears.
–By Leah M. Charney
Charney is sassy yet classy and in way over her head.
This piece was originally written for my dating column in Women’s Magazine. Unfortunately, the magazine shuttered in early March of 2010.