Oh Craigslist, how I love you. You provide such amazing water cooler talk and also dating column/blog fodder.
While I myself have never been the subject of a Craigslist “Missed Connection” (that I know of), I now can add it to my list of life goals.
The following story is true. It happened in the Golden State. No names have been changed (as there are NO innocents to protect!):
Tattoo Girl Wit Big Ear Wholes – m4w – 38 (Myrtle Ave JMZ Station)
Date: 2009-08-12, 3:30PM EDT
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I seen ya walkin off the train station tha other day. You wuz lookin reel good an shit. You had this belt made outta shoe lace or some shit. Your pants wuz real lowe showin some tattoos on ya stomak and i just wanid to lik that shit all over down to ya puzzie. you had one big tattoo on ya arm an shit. that shit was hella sexy you cutie lil wite girl. we should go out to dinner or popeyes or sumpin. wuteva you want you hot lil thang. I don now if you seen me too. I was a big tall hizpanik/blak dude wearing a rocawear owtfit in babie blu. im begin you babie please giv a bruva a chanse. I make all yo fandazies cum tru. I gots a girl right now but i would leaf her for you.
“Cutie White Girl Wit Da Big Ear Wholes – m4w – 38 (Myrtle Ave J)
Date: 2009-08-18, 3:47PM EDT
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Yo Girl with tha shoelace belt. I cant git you outta ma head. I need to see you agin. Dat hot lil body be driven me crazy. am ready to dump my girl for ya. you needs to be wit a real man . I be thinkin bout them hot tummie tattoos and how good them life savirs in yo ears be lookin. jus writin this be makin me hard an shit. girl i wanna see you werin some white strech pands. I’m a bruva who lices the fina thingz in life. I got full cable in ma crib and a triked out civic. I wanna take you all ova girl. I be feelin dumb and shit aboud askin u to go to popeyes a clazzy bich like you needs to go sumwere good like sizzla or red lobsta. babie plz. i be needin u bad. hit me up les make thiz missed enconter a real life connechon. ”
For the guy that is looking for the tattoo girl with big ear “wholes”. – w4m (Myrtle. )
Date: 2009-08-19, 11:58PM EDT
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here
Let me start off with the following…
A. After many friends have told me to check this out, I do believe I am that girl you are typing about, seeing as I have been at that stop around the same time for work purposes. The belt, by the way, is not made of shoelaces.
B. Please, if you are going to type a fucking classified in hopes of making yourself seemingly appealing, learn to spell; This applies to the correct spelling of ‘pussy’ (I, along with others, read ‘puzzle’ at first).
C. If I were to EVER see you again, I would highly recommend you to take a couple of lessons in learning to be a GENTLEMAN. Being called a “hot lil thang”, “cutie lil white girl”, and a “clazzy bich” does not really do too well with the female population. It’s seemingly a wonder that you even have a girl to “leaf”.
D. I am vegan. Take your Popeyes and “Red Lobsta” elsewhere.
The girl “wit big ear wholes”.
I’ll never understand why she wouldn’t let him buy her some “white strech pands” that she could wear on their “clazzy” date to the “sizzla” in his “triked out civic.”
Because, clearly, these two people are soulmates and Craigslist could have brought them together…