Staying friends with people you’ve dated is a challenge for obvious reasons, the least of which is that at some point that person you used to have sexy time with will have sexy time with someone else. And likely, if you are friends, you will know about it. And no one wants to think about that. That’s worse that imagining your parents having sex…
Somehow I have managed to be the reigning Queen Supreme of staying friends with men that I’ve dated, screwed repeatedly, or almost married. Others have asked me “What’s your secret?” or “Isn’t that hard to do?” or, my favorite, “Why???” Well…
1. What’s The Secret? I don’t have a clue. Maybe I’m just lucky?
Understanding why a friendship works out is more convoluted that trying to figure out why a relationship didn’t work out. There are many many factors involved and the potential mathematical calculations involved might make my head explode. Suffice it to say that it helps if you no longer wish to suck face with the person. It also helps if you truly want to be friends with them (which is usually further helped by whether or not they are made of awesome).
I can tell you that the men whom I’ve dated who are now my buddies have some striking similarities. They’re all really good guys. To top it off, at some point in the dating cycle I realized I wanted these people to stay in my life regardless of how our respective budding romances turned out. Likewise, I’m not heartbroken about any of the folks whom I haven’t stayed friends with.
2. Isn’t that hard to do? Well, duh!
But if it was easy then everyone could do it and I wouldn’t feel shiny or special, so there. Staying friends with your ex isn’t for everyone and it isn’t for every ex. But it is for me.
Recently the BF and I were at the grocery store. As we arrived in the parking lot his ex-girlfriend pulled into a parking space two cars over. Instead of getting out of the car and saying polite hellos (or my preference with her, blatantly ignoring the fact that she exists on the planet) we sat in the car for a few minutes to give them the head start. Once we entered the grocery store we made a mad dash for the items that we needed, peeking around corners like spies or nervous children afraid to be caught doing bad. And while his ex is not someone I would want to be friends with in general, I NEVER want to behave like that with anyone. Specifically, I NEVER want to feel that way about someone I’ve had lustful encounters with.
3. Why??? Well, why not?
Have you stayed friends with an ex and lived to regret it? Tell me your dirty secrets!!!