Sick Face=Sexy Face?

I know I’ve been away, internet, but I have a great excuse. I have a head cold.  And when I get sick, I do it with gusto. None of this sniffles crap, not for me. This particular set of snot has been hanging out for over a week now. Aww yeah.

There’s nothing sexy about being sick. (Unless you’re that girl from Love Actually who was cheating on Colin Firth with his own brother.  She was a tramp, but a cute flu-ridden tramp).

And while I could have used my sick time to write, my brain was full of goo (literally) and all I could do for those first few days was lie in bed, bond with Liz Lemon and beg my friends to bring me soup.  An ex-turned-bff brought me tissues when I ran out and took out the trash for me because he’s just generally made of awesome. But I have to admit, I spent the whole two days I was stuck in bed grateful I was single.

I couldn’t be bothered to put on pants (except for fleece kitty cat pajamas). Sure, a boyfriend-type-person could have gone to the store or brought movies or cleaned up my flat (wishful thinking I’m sure). But when you feel yucky everything about you feels yucky. I didn’t really want my friends or exes to see me in this state, much less a hypothetical boyfriend who would never again want to see me naked if he saw me in sick mode.

I am a terrible sick person.

So Thursday, when my zombie flesh and I went back to work, I lathered on more makeup than most drag queens wear.  But by 2 o’clock I had sneezed or blown it all off and I wasn’t fooling anyone. People crossed to the other side of the hallway when they saw me coming. Before speaking I had to clear the phlegm from my vocal chords–a discordant sound that reminds me of a cat coughing up a hairball. If my coworkers were reeling in disgust, I can’t imagine what a man Popsicle would have thought.

How do you do it, married people? Do you avoid each other for the duration of the illness lest you never want to make with the horizontal tango again? Or do you just pretend it’s someone else you’re sponge bathing?

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