Posts Tagged ‘run in with the ex’

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Oh Facebook. How ever did I live without thee? FB has allowed me to cyberstalk exes and old crushes–—to see who is married, babied, gayed, and fat, naturally. It has also allowed old flames to find me…

When someone friend requests you who isn’t a friend, and further, isn’t really someone whom you ever want to think of, what do you do? Leave them in friend purgatory? (I think people in friend purgatory can still see some of your updates, photos, etc. by the by). Hit the “Hell No” button (which is actually oh so politely called “Not Now”)?

Once upon a time I dated a married man. This is not a fact of which I am proud. No. And now, as the BF and I just passed our two year anniversary, is not a fact which I recall on a regular basis. I’m done punishing myself. I’ve moved on. There was a lot of therapy involved.

I realize that for someone who so proudly is friends with almost all of her exes that this kind of reaction to a simple Facebook friend request might seem odd. Hell, I already have almost 600 connections, what’s one more? But for whatever reason it IS a big deal. Here is a person whom I cared about. Who lied to me about his life. Whose lie I discovered. And even after knowing the whole truth I still forged on with the relationship.

For someone who also very loudly believes that if you want to date and fuck around you shouldn’t be married, this lapse, this decision, no matter how long ago it happened or how young I was or any of the other undoubtedly complicated conditions involved, makes for one BFD. As in: Big. Fucking. Deal. And I’m sure this, um, gentleman?, has no idea that one of his many indiscretions (oh yes, I have it on very good authority that I was not the first nor the last) could feel so strongly about her part in his slimy biography. I’m sure he saw the three or four friends in common and clicked the “Send Request” button. Hell, knowing Facebook, they probably served me up to him as a friendly suggestion.

So I guess I’ll politely press the “Not Now” button, but in doing so I really mean “Not Ever.”