I Wanna Hold Your Hand…I Think

The most terrifying this happened: I have a boyfriend.

For a girl who writes a dating column, one might think that this would be welcome news. But I can’t seem to shake the feeling that this is all wrong. Am I meant to be single and never couple up?

“The true commitment phobic can’t get past the ‘enchantment stage’ of a relationship and thus shows a history of many short relationships,” explains dating coach Nina Atwood.

I find myself sometimes overwhelmed by the urge to run. If we spend too many days in a row together I may think about what it was like before he was around all the time. If we go too many days without seeing each other I might think about how easy it might be to keep doing so. If we argue I think about walking away.

Lisa Steadman, author of If He’s Not the Right One, Who Is?, tells me, “Women are afraid to commit because it means they have to be vulnerable, surrender to imperfect love rather than the fantasy of Prince Charming, and allow themselves to receive love—which while we say we want it, often times can scare us.

Uncertainty about commitment? Check. History of short relationships? Check. Desire for love? Check. Frightened by this? Check.

I decide to consult one last expert—the Boyfriend.

“I’m not always happy,” I admit to him.

He studies my face carefully. “Well…” he starts. “We’ll just have to work on getting you what you need,” he finishes, looking me in the eye.

And for the moment all the fear, all the uncertainty, disappears.

–By Leah M. Charney
Charney is sassy yet classy and in way over her head.
This piece was originally written for my dating column in Women’s Magazine. Unfortunately, the magazine shuttered in early March of 2010.

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4 Responses to “I Wanna Hold Your Hand…I Think”

  1. Diamond Dave Says:

    One cannot expect to be happy 100% of the time in a relationship but, as in all things, it is best to place oneself in places and situations where you are happy ( or even happiest ). Avoiding drama, conflict and misery can be seen by some as ostrich-like behavior but as I grow older, I need less and less of the bad and more of the good as I rush towards my demise. Life is too short to deal with shit ( as I think W. Shakespeare once said ) so embrace the good, kick out the bad.
    I am continuing to work on my plan to become Walter Matthau in my druthers. A curmudgeon in a fishing hat who enjoys his beer and swears at the local kids.

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  2. Kelly B Says:

    The big gleaming neon sign is the answer that Boyfriend gave. That sign screams “you picked the right man for the job.” His kind will put the commitment phobic boogieman out of business. 😉

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  3. Kim S Says:

    I want to hear more about the boyfriend!!

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    Leah Reply:

    You’re in luck Kim, today’s post Dating In The Modern (Mormon) World is about him. I can’t blog about him too much…he’ll think I like him or something!

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