I'm Not Your Mommy, Honey

There’s BC and AD used to mark time…and then there’s BB. Before boyfriend.

In the time of 2009 BB in the year of our lord I was asked out by a Boy in a Dress. Yeah yeah, I know. So clearly, I said “Yes” to a date with this man, knowing full well it would never go anywhere (but secretly praying it went far enough to get some good stories out of).

We  never actually went on a date.  (Sorry to disappoint you). However, we did exchange a handful of text messages and one phone call.

Our phone call occurred while I wandered around a Staples perusing office supplies (romantic I know).  Our phone called lasted approximately 20 minutes, during which time he called me “momma” four times.

Four times. That’s one every 5 minutes for those of you who don’t want to do the math at home.

Days later, there was a text message in which he referred to me as “lil momma.”  It was at this point I knew I could not in good conscience go on a date with this man. Even if it was just to get coffee.

I personally find it a little creepy when couples refer to each other in this way. Growing up, I had a Mama and a Daddy. I don’t want to picture either of them when I’m sucking face with some cutie or having an otherwise pleasant romp.

Once upon a time, many many moons ago, I had a boyfriend who liked being called Daddy. But not even in a sexual sense. He wanted me to call him Daddy whilst at dinner or the grocery store, but never in the bedroom.

So what gives?  It’s one thing if you have tiny people and it’s just easier to say “Mommy is tired,” or “Daddy said no already.” But is there anyone out there who call each other Mommy and Daddy (or some other variation on the theme)? Do you know anyone who does this? Are they mentally sound?

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6 Responses to “I'm Not Your Mommy, Honey”

  1. Sam Says:

    If my guy ever asked me to call him Daddy- UNLESS he was clearly being silly- I would probably turn and run. It scares the bejeebs out of me.


  2. Joe Says:

    I had a clients wife call me daddy once- then she realized it was me and not her husband who had walked into the room. “I bet you have never had that happen before?” she asked. No, can’t say I have..

  3. Leah Says:

    I am imagining how hilarious this must have been. I mean at the time, awkward, but now, hilarious!

  4. Dia Says:

    Erudite as ever. Please slap me if I forget to read your musings regularly.

  5. Leah Says:

    Aw, thanks! I’ve been slacking a bit lately. I always welcome stories of others bad habits as well… Let me know if you’d ever like to guest blog.

  6. Diamond Dave Says:

    I should. I can drag out some memories from the vault of shame.

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