Yes, You Are A Douchebag.

Brunch started at 10:15 in the am and we finally left the restaurant at 3:30 in the pm.  I never did find the bottom of my bottomless mimosa, but eventually let the gods of Andre win and asked to be cut off.

When I finally looked at my phone there was an assortment of text messages including several from the man who I hiccuped all over only to have Facebook tell me has a girlfriend.

The first message was a bland message that looked like a group text: “Blah blah blah my band is playing. Blah blah blah lemme know if you need me to leave tix at the door for you.”

And then a few minutes later a second message: “You should come tonight Leah.”

And it is here I will blame both the cheap champagne and my insatiable curiosity. Because I was a little buzzed. Because I felt a little flattered. Because I wanted to know if Facebook was wrong. Because I wanted to know why he kept sending me texts and sexual emails. Because I could.

So I said, “What time?” Followed by “Put me on the list.”

He replied, “It’ll change your life…Just tell the door person I left tix for you.”

When I got there my name was not on the list. And I did not have cash.  I was pissed.  No amount of hottness or free drinks was going to soothe my annoyance.

But my friend, the Evil Queen, had me covered, bailed me out, got me in, and then filled me in.

She had done a little research, you see, and the following things are true.

1. He is in fact a douchebag.
2. He does in fact have a girlfriend
3. She located the girlfriend
4. She insisted we stand with the girlfriend

And so we did.  All night long we stood just behind the girlfriend where he could clearly see us from his position on stage. I even talked to her at one point just so later (I not-so-secretly fantasize) she might say she met this really cool girl named Leah…and maybe he’ll sweat it a little.

Now if only I’d taken a picture with him and thus lived out my yearlong dream to be on Hot Chicks With Douchebags.  Sigh.

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6 Responses to “Yes, You Are A Douchebag.”

  1. Jessica S. Says:

    Please friend her on Facebook… 🙂

  2. Leah Says:

    Oh wow. That would be the next level of evil, wouldn’t it? Nah…that takes far too much effort. I like where your head is at though. We might have to make you part of the evil empire. Evil Duchess maybe?

  3. The Evil Queen Says:

    A picture can ALWAYS be arranged…..don’t give up the dream…yet.

  4. Leah Says:

    OH. MY. GOD. You have no idea how AMAZING that would be. We’ll have to pick one of his more choice outfit days though. I heart you soo soo much.

  5. Red Says:

    I can find douchbags.
    I’ve been tracking them for months now.
    Also…good work.

  6. The Evil Queen Says:

    He was not looking particularly douchey on Saturday…but I’ve seen some doozies!

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